Welcome to our collection of insights into the psychodynamic process and contemporary mental health. These reflections explore the unconscious dynamics of the inner life, and the complex emotional currents within our relationships.
Below, you’ll find our latest articles. Many come with a companion clinical worksheet — a focused, interactive exercise you’re welcome to request at the end of the relevant post, to support the reflective journey in your own time.
Are We Here for the Same Reason? – Interactive Worksheet
Section 1 of 11 — Before You Begin
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Clarifying What Each Partner Hopes Couples Therapy Will Do
A clinical worksheet from Online Therapy Clinic — Ari Sotiriou MA PGDip (UKCP)
Ari Sotiriou, UK accredited psychotherapist · enquiries@online-therapy-clinic.com
Ari Sotiriou provides Individual and Couples therapy from a psychodynamic perspective, via secure Live Video. Dr Ruxandra Ion offers CBT courses and brings a psychiatric perspective, without providing psychiatric diagnosis or prescribing medication. UK practice · 50-minute sessions, on the hour.
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Complete the worksheet, then save or print your responses
Two people can sit in the same room, attend the same sessions and still be trying to do quite different things. One partner may hope that couples therapy will help repair the relationship. The other may be trying to work out whether they still want to remain in it. Neither position is wrong, and neither is necessarily fixed.
This worksheet offers a private space to notice where you presently stand — your own hopes, doubts, fears and contribution — before you try to reach a shared understanding with your partner. There are no right answers, and you do not need to complete every question.
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Related clinical reflection
This worksheet accompanies the Online Therapy Clinic article: When One Partner Wants to Save the Relationship and the Other Isn’t Sure
The article explores what happens when partners arrive in couples therapy with different degrees of commitment, hope and willingness to attend. Read the article →
Section OneBefore You Begin: Making Space for an Honest Answer
Two people can attend the same therapy session without having come for the same purpose. One partner may hope to repair the relationship, while the other may be trying to understand whether they still want to remain. This worksheet offers a private space to notice where you stand before you try to reach an agreement with your partner.
If you and your partner are both completing this worksheet, it works best if each of you does so separately, in your own words, before comparing notes together. A few things worth keeping in mind as you begin:
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Section TwoWhat Do I Believe We Are Doing Here?
Exercise · My Present Hope for Therapy
Select any that fit. It is fine to select more than one, or none at all.
This is an impression, not a claim to know your partner’s mind.
Section ThreeWhere Do I Stand Today?
Exercise · A Present-Moment Position
0 — Leaning towards ending the relationship10 — Committed to trying to repair the relationship
Not answered
This is a description of your present position, not a contract. Ambivalence can change from day to day, particularly during a relationship crisis.
Section FourLooking More Closely at Readiness
Commitment, hope, a sense of “we”, and willingness to attend therapy are related, but they are not the same. Consider each separately.
Exercise · Four Separate Questions
0 — Not presently willing10 — Strongly willing
Not answered
0 — Very little hope10 — A great deal of hope
Not answered
0 — Mainly separate individuals10 — A strong sense of us
Not answered
0 — I feel strongly pressured10 — I have chosen this freely
Not answered
These responses are invitations to reflection. They do not diagnose you or classify your relationship.
Section FiveWhat Draws Me Towards the Relationship?
Exercise · What Still Holds Us
Section SixWhat Moves Me Away From the Relationship?
Exercise · What Has Become Difficult
Section SevenWhat Do I Fear About Staying — and What Do I Fear About Leaving?
Exercise · Two Sets of Fears
If I stay
If I leave
Ambivalence is not an absence of feeling. It is often the simultaneous presence of feelings that pull in different directions.
Section EightWhat Answer Am I Seeking — or Feeling Asked to Give?
Exercise · Answers, Pressure and Reassurance
Hope becomes difficult to sustain when it depends on extracting certainty. Equally, uncertainty becomes difficult to explore when every participation is treated as a promise.
Section NineLooking at My Own Contribution
Taking responsibility does not mean accepting blame for everything or treating both partners’ contributions as identical. It means considering what belongs to you and what may be within your capacity to change.
Exercise · My Part in How We Arrived Here
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An important exception
Where there has been abuse, coercive control, intimidation or fear, responsibility should never be artificially equalised. Joint reflection or couples therapy may not be appropriate without specialist assessment.
Section TenOur Provisional Therapeutic Task
There are different forms of work that couples therapy can offer, depending on where each partner presently stands. None of these represents success or failure.
Relationship repair
Both partners are willing to make a meaningful attempt to explore whether the relationship can be rebuilt.
Discernment
At least one partner remains unsure whether they are willing to attempt repair. The immediate work is to understand the relationship, each person’s contribution and whether a genuine attempt at change is imaginable.
Thoughtful separation
The decision to end the relationship has been made, but therapeutic support may help the partners process the ending, communicate more safely and protect continuing family relationships.
Exercise · What Feels Closest to Where I Am
This is a provisional impression, not a fixed outcome. Select whichever feels closest.
Section ElevenAn Honest Starting Point
The aim of this worksheet is not to make the decision for you. Its purpose is to help make your present position more thinkable and more speakable. Couples therapy begins more honestly when neither partner is required to pretend that they feel more certain, hopeful or committed than they actually do.
Closing Reflection
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Continue the reflection
If you have not yet read the accompanying article, you may find it helpful to return to: When One Partner Wants to Save the Relationship and the Other Isn’t Sure
The article offers a broader clinical exploration of what it means when partners arrive in couples therapy holding different degrees of commitment, hope and willingness to attend. Read the clinical reflection →
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Bring This Into a Session
This reflection can sit alongside our work together, at whatever pace feels right for you and your partner. An introductory conversation is available at no charge, via secure video — and if a connection is ever unreliable, a phone call works just as well.
You may wish to bring your reflections into therapy, particularly anything that felt difficult to answer, surprising or emotionally significant. You do not need to arrive with a complete explanation. Beginning with a particular moment, sentence or feeling from the worksheet may be enough to open a conversation.
If you are in crisis or at risk of harm, please contact emergency services or a crisis helpline in your country without delay. To book a session or make an enquiry, contact: enquiries@online-therapy-clinic.com
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Neither certainty nor doubt needs to be pretended away for the work to begin honestly.
Ari Sotiriou provides Individual and Couples therapy from a psychodynamic perspective, via secure Live Video.
Dr Ruxandra Ion offers CBT courses and brings a psychiatric perspective; she does not provide psychiatric diagnosis or prescribe medication.
