Moving from “Me” to “Us”: A Clinical Tool for Decision-Making

Black and white photograph of a couple standing together overlooking a river, birds in flight above the water
Online Therapy Clinic  ·  Photo: İbrahim Güneş / Pexels
Couples Therapy Worksheet  ·  Psychodynamic

Moving from “Me” to “Us”

A clinical tool for decision-making — thinking together, especially when it’s hard

A clinical worksheet from Online Therapy Clinic — Ari Sotiriou MA PGDip (UKCP)

Ari Sotiriou, UK accredited psychotherapist  ·  enquiries@online-therapy-clinic.com Ari Sotiriou provides Individual and Couples therapy via secure Live Video. Dr Ruxandra Ion offers CBT courses and brings a psychiatric perspective, without providing psychiatric diagnosis or prescribing medication. UK practice  ·  50-minute sessions, on the hour.
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Complete the worksheet, then save or print your responses

Most couples don’t struggle because they disagree — they struggle because disagreement quietly turns into “me versus you” instead of “us versus the problem.” This worksheet is designed to interrupt that pattern.

You’ll each reflect privately first, then come together to look for the shared ground beneath your positions. Understanding doesn’t require agreement — it simply requires curiosity. You don’t need to complete this in one sitting; your answers save automatically as you go.

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This worksheet has a companion article Moving from “Me” to “Us”: Why Couples Get Stuck and How to Start Thinking Together — exploring how positions in an argument usually defend something deeper, and why relationships develop needs of their own.
Exercise One Private Reflection

Each of you should write your own answers below, without discussing them yet. Censoring yourself early — to seem reasonable, or to avoid upsetting your partner — gets in the way of the raw, honest information this exercise needs. These first answers aren’t decisions. They’re information.

Partner A
Partner B
Partner A
Partner B
Partner A
Partner B
Partner A writes about B
Partner B writes about A
Exercise Two The Third Question

Whenever an important decision arises, there are no longer only two sets of needs to consider. There are three.

What do I need? What do you need? What does our relationship need?
Exercise Three ✓ The Witness Rule

Now come together and, if you’re both comfortable, read each other’s answers from Exercise One. Before responding, simply witness. Feeling genuinely heard reduces defensiveness far more than winning an argument. Understanding does not require agreement — it only requires curiosity.

Exercise Four Looking for the Overlap

Deepest values are often more similar than the disagreement suggests. The gap is usually in how those values get achieved, not what is valued.

Shared hopes
Different priorities
Exercise Five The Third Space

A healthy relationship becomes something more than two individuals living side by side — it develops needs of its own, separate from either partner’s alone.

If your relationship were sitting beside you right now, what would it ask from each of you today?

Closing Final Reflection

Every lasting relationship is built through hundreds of conversations like this one. The goal is not perfect agreement, but developing the capacity to think together, especially when life becomes difficult.

Three closing questions
Take a moment to write freely, without editing yourselves.
Couples Therapy via Secure Video

If working through this worksheet has surfaced something you’d like to explore further together, an introductory conversation is available at no charge. Couples therapy is offered via secure live video in English, French, and Greek.

Arrange a confidential introductory conversation → Individual & Couples Therapy via Live Video  •  UK Practice  •  English · French · Greek

A Note for Your Next Session

If you are working with Ari, bring this completed worksheet to your next session. The places where your answers surprised each other, or where the conversation became difficult, are often the most useful to explore further together.

To book a session or make an enquiry, contact: enquiries@online-therapy-clinic.com

Online Therapy Clinic Clinical Team enquiries@online-therapy-clinic.com  ·  online-therapy-clinic.com  ·  UK practice  ·  50-minute sessions, on the hour
Ari Sotiriou provides Individual and Couples therapy via secure Live Video. Dr Ruxandra Ion offers CBT courses and brings a psychiatric perspective; she does not provide psychiatric diagnosis or prescribe medication.

© Ari Sotiriou MA PGDip | UKCP Accredited | enquiries@online-therapy-clinic.com
This worksheet is for personal reflection only and does not constitute clinical advice.