Pause Before You Respond: A reflective worksheet for difficult conversations

A calm, quiet moment of reflection
Online Therapy Clinic
Reflective Worksheet  ·  Psychodynamic Reflection

Pause, Separate, Respond

A reflective worksheet for emotionally charged communication

A clinical worksheet from Online Therapy Clinic — Ari Sotiriou MA PGDip (UKCP)

Ari Sotiriou, UK accredited psychotherapist  ·  enquiries@online-therapy-clinic.com Ari Sotiriou provides Individual and Couples therapy from a psychodynamic perspective, via secure Live Video. Dr Ruxandra Ion offers CBT courses and brings a psychiatric perspective, without providing psychiatric diagnosis or prescribing medication. UK practice  ·  50-minute sessions, on the hour.
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Your reflections remain private This worksheet is designed to be completed privately in your browser. Your answers are not submitted to Online Therapy Clinic and are not automatically sent to Ari or another therapist. You can print or save your reflections as a PDF, or use Copy My Reflection to copy the text for your own records or to share it yourself if you choose.
Complete the worksheet, then save, print or copy your responses

Some communications become emotionally powerful very quickly. The event itself may be relatively small, yet criticism, disappointment, accusation or perceived judgement can remain in the mind long afterwards.

This worksheet offers a structured pause between receiving a communication and reacting to it. It is not about deciding who is right or wrong, and it is not about becoming unaffected. The aim is to notice what happens internally, to separate what genuinely belongs to you from what does not, and to preserve your ability to think and choose how you want to respond.

The worksheet does not need to be used for every difficult interaction. A few examples are enough. Small incidents may be particularly useful, because they can reveal patterns without the intensity of a major conflict. There are no right answers, and you do not need to complete every question.

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A place to begin “Do not try to change anything at first. Simply notice and collect information.”
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A note on safety This worksheet is intended for everyday interpersonal difficulty. If any interaction leaves you feeling frightened, threatened or unsafe, please prioritise your safety and seek appropriate professional or emergency support rather than working through it alone here.
Which interaction are you reflecting on?

You can reflect on up to three separate interactions. Each has its own set of answers, and all of them appear in your summary at the end.

Section One What happened?
Exercise  ·  The Event Itself

Try to separate what could be observed — what was said or done — from the interpretation that followed. There will be room for interpretation later.

Example: “I forgot to send something that had been agreed. I then received a critical message about it.”

Section Two What did I immediately feel?
Exercise  ·  Feelings and Body

Select any that fit. It is fine to select more than one.

0 — Barely noticeable 10 — Overwhelming
Not answered
Section Three What did I hear underneath the words?

Sometimes what affects us most is not simply what was said, but what the communication seems to imply about us.

Exercise  ·  The Meaning I Attached

Some examples of what people sometimes hear:

  • “I am irresponsible.”
  • “I have failed again.”
  • “I am not good enough.”
  • “I have disappointed someone.”
  • “I am a bad parent / partner / colleague.”
  • “I have no control.”
  • “I have done something unforgivable.”
0 — Not at all 10 — Completely
Not answered
Section Four What belongs to me?

Taking responsibility does not require condemning yourself as a person.

Exercise  ·  My Part

It is fine to write “nothing” or “I am not sure”.

Try to describe the behaviour rather than your character.
Behaviour: “I forgot something important.”
Not: “I am useless.”
Section Five What does not belong to me?

Another person’s emotional intensity, judgement, disappointment, interpretation or anger does not automatically become a fact about you.

Exercise  ·  Separating Event from Identity
Section Six What was my immediate impulse?

An impulse is not a decision. Notice which of these were present, whether or not you acted on any of them.

Exercise  ·  The Pull to Act

Select any that fit. It is fine to select more than one.

A question worth taking your time over

Notice what comes to mind first, even if it seems exaggerated or out of proportion.

Section Seven Pause before responding

This section is for the moment before you respond — or, if you have already responded, for looking back at what a pause might have made possible. The aim is not to become unaffected. It is to remain able to think and choose.

A pause  ·  One Question at a Time
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Grounding Before continuing, take one slow breath and notice your feet, the chair, or another physical point of contact. The aim is not to remove the feeling, only to create enough space to think.
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Section Eight Does this need a response?

Some communications need a practical reply; others do not. Take a moment to consider which this is, rather than replying by reflex.

Exercise  ·  Considering the Options

Select one.

Section Nine My adult position

The aim is not to win, submit, retaliate, or make the other person agree with you. It is to respond from a position that you can respect afterwards.

Exercise  ·  A Proportionate Response
Section Ten What happened afterwards inside me?

An interaction may end externally while continuing internally.

Exercise  ·  After the Communication Ended

Select any that fit. It is fine to select more than one.

Select one.

Section Eleven Looking back

With some distance, you may be able to wonder about what made this interaction matter so much. You do not need to reach a conclusion.

Exercise  ·  Reflecting with Some Distance
Section Twelve A deeper question
Optional  ·  Only if it feels useful

Sometimes a present-day interaction feels unusually familiar even when we cannot immediately explain why. You do not need to have an answer to these questions.

It is completely acceptable to write ‘nobody’, ‘I don’t know’, or to leave this unanswered. The purpose is simply to notice whether an association appears.

Section Thirteen What am I learning about myself?

Patterns often become clearer across more than one interaction. It is fine to write only what you are beginning to notice.

Exercise  ·  Emerging Patterns

You are on Interaction 1. A few examples are enough, so there is no need to complete all three. Starting another reflection keeps this one on the page and adds it to your summary.

Summary My Reflection Summary

This summary is put together on your own device from the words you have written above. It simply gathers what you have said; it does not interpret it, and nothing is sent anywhere. It updates as you write.

Your summary will appear here as you complete the worksheet.

Your answers are held only on this page. If you close or refresh it they will be lost, so use Copy My Reflection or Print / Save as PDF if you would like to keep them. Printing shows the interaction you currently have open in full, followed by this summary of all your interactions. To keep every interaction in full, use Copy My Reflection.

A Note on This Worksheet

This worksheet is designed to support reflection between psychotherapy sessions. It is not a test and there are no correct answers. You may notice patterns that you wish to explore with your therapist.

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If you are currently working with Ari through BetterHelp Please do not enter your real name, email address, telephone number, postal address or other identifying/contact information anywhere on Online Therapy Clinic. Your answers in this worksheet are not sent to Ari and are not submitted to Online Therapy Clinic. If you would like to share your reflections with Ari, use Copy My Reflection and paste the copied text into the secure chat area within your BetterHelp therapy account.

BetterHelp clients: copy your reflection and paste it into your BetterHelp therapy chat rather than sending personal information through this website.

Bring This Into a Session

This reflection can sit alongside our work together, at whatever pace feels right for you. An introductory conversation is available at no charge, via secure video — and if a connection is ever unreliable, a phone call works just as well.

Arrange a confidential introductory conversation → Individual & Couples Therapy via Live Video  •  Psychodynamic Approach  •  UK Practice  •  English · French · Greek

Bringing This Into Therapy

You may wish to bring your reflections into therapy, particularly anything that felt difficult to answer, surprising or emotionally significant. You do not need to arrive with a complete explanation. Beginning with a particular moment, sentence or feeling from the worksheet may be enough to open a conversation.

If you are in crisis or at risk of harm, please contact emergency services or a crisis helpline in your country without delay. To book a session or make an enquiry, contact: enquiries@online-therapy-clinic.com

Your Privacy

This worksheet does not require your name, email address or contact details. Your written reflections are intended to remain within your browser while you are using the worksheet. They are not submitted to Online Therapy Clinic and are not automatically shared with a therapist. You can choose to copy, print or save your reflection yourself.

If you are using a shared or public device, consider clearing the worksheet when you have finished.

The aim is not to become unaffected. It is to remain able to think and choose.

Online Therapy Clinic Clinical Team enquiries@online-therapy-clinic.com  ·  online-therapy-clinic.com  ·  UK practice  ·  50-minute sessions, on the hour
Ari Sotiriou provides Individual and Couples therapy from a psychodynamic perspective, via secure Live Video. Dr Ruxandra Ion offers CBT courses and brings a psychiatric perspective; she does not provide psychiatric diagnosis or prescribe medication.

© Ari Sotiriou MA PGDip | UKCP Accredited | enquiries@online-therapy-clinic.com
This worksheet is for personal reflection only and does not constitute clinical advice.