Recently, I came across an image that has been circulating online. It’s a comic-style drawing of a woman lying face-down on her bed, with the thought: “I just want someone to love and accept me for who I pretend to be on the internet.” It’s intended as humour, but for many, the sentiment hits uncomfortably close to home. It brought to mind one of my clients, a 35-year-old doctor living in London, whose story, though fictionalised to protect her identity, represents a struggle many high-achieving individuals face when it comes to love and relationships.
The Case of Dr. Sarah: Successful in Life, Yet Struggling in Love
Sarah, an accomplished GP based in London, is the picture of success—hardworking, highly respected, and living in one of the world’s most vibrant cities. But beneath her professional accomplishments lies a personal struggle that she found harder to talk about. Despite her success in her career, Sarah had difficulty developing and maintaining romantic relationships, often feeling isolated in her efforts to find a meaningful connection.
As we sat down for our first online session, Sarah shared how much time she’d spent trying to meet the right partner through dating apps and social media. The more she tried, the more disheartened she became. She found herself increasingly anxious about how she was presenting herself online, curating a version of her life that reflected her achievements and confidence, but concealing her insecurities and vulnerabilities. It seemed that no matter how hard she worked to portray herself as “perfect”, her relationships never seemed to reach the level of depth or commitment she was looking for.
The Persona Versus the Person
Like many people, Sarah found herself trapped in the gap between the person she wanted to be and the person she felt she had to be online. She admitted that she had become so used to portraying a polished, “Instagram-ready” version of herself that it felt exhausting. This was especially true on dating apps, where the pressure to be both impressive and approachable at all times led her to question whether anyone would ever accept the real her—beyond the photos of glamorous holidays and career milestones.
In her private moments, Sarah struggled with doubts about whether she was “enough”—whether her long hours at the hospital, her occasional bouts of fatigue, and her worries about the future would drive people away. The more she invested in her carefully crafted online persona, the more disconnected she felt from the relationships she was trying to build. Like the woman in the comic, Sarah craved love and acceptance, but feared that revealing her true self might scare potential partners away.
Why Being Ourselves is So Difficult
In today’s world, where much of our social interaction takes place online, it can be tempting to show only the best parts of ourselves. For someone like Sarah—an intelligent, driven professional—the pressure to present herself as “having it all together” was particularly strong. Dating apps added to this pressure, turning the search for connection into a stressful balancing act of appearing accomplished, fun, and independent, while hiding the parts of her life she feared would make her seem too complicated.
For Sarah, the traits that made her an excellent doctor—her attention to detail, her drive, her commitment to her patients—were the same traits that made it difficult for her to relax and show vulnerability in her personal life. She worried that any sign of need or imperfection would make her seem undesirable in the eyes of potential partners.
The Road to Authentic Connection
As Sarah and I worked together, we explored the possibility of loosening the grip on her online persona and allowing more of her authentic self to come through, both online and in real life. This didn’t mean sharing her deepest insecurities with strangers, but rather, it meant embracing her imperfections and allowing relationships to develop at a more natural, human pace.
Over time, Sarah began to challenge the idea that she needed to be “perfect” to be loved. She started to see that vulnerability wasn’t a weakness, but a way to build genuine intimacy. As she became more comfortable with her true self, she found that the right people appreciated her for who she really was—beyond the glossy images and the impressive job title.
One pivotal moment came when she met someone through a mutual friend, not through an app. Without the pressure of having to impress someone with a curated profile, Sarah felt more relaxed and at ease. She allowed the relationship to grow organically, free from the usual anxieties about presenting a flawless image.
Reaching Out for Support: You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone
Sarah’s story is a reminder that real connection comes when we have the courage to show up as ourselves, rather than hiding behind a mask of perfection. The world of dating apps and social media can make it feel like we need to compete, to constantly perform, but the truth is, meaningful relationships are built on authenticity, not performance.
If you see yourself in Sarah’s story—whether entirely or even in part—know that you are not alone. Many people feel the pressure to “have it all together” and struggle with how to show their real selves in relationships. Reaching out for help doesn’t mean that you’re failing; it means you’re taking a step towards building the kind of connections you truly deserve.
I encourage anyone feeling trapped by the expectations of social media or overwhelmed by the dating world to seek support. Therapy can be a powerful space to explore these struggles and learn how to connect with others more authentically. If this resonates with you, please consider reaching out for guidance. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone—there is help, and together, we can work towards finding real, lasting connection.
By Ari Sotiriou M.A. psychodynamic psychotherapist co-founder Online Therapy Clinic