Throughout history, humanity has marked the inevitability of death and the mysteries of the afterlife through ceremonies and traditions that have evolved over centuries. Ancient societies often viewed death not as an ending but as a bridge to another realm. Today, celebrations like Halloween, All Saints’ Day (La Toussaint), and the Mexican Día de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) are enduring reminders of how different cultures acknowledge mortality, find ways to reconnect with those who have passed, and grapple with life’s end. Yet, beyond these cultural rituals lies a profound individual and psychological journey of facing the unknowns of death and loss.
In Western psychology, psychodynamic and psychoanalytic theories offer unique perspectives on mortality, loss, and the human psyche’s response to these inevitable experiences. For those who seek support through therapy, understanding how psychodynamic psychotherapy explores death, terminal illness, and loss can provide a sense of solace, particularly when grappling with grief, existential concerns, or preparing for life’s final chapter. The British psychoanalytic approach, notably influenced by existential psychotherapist Irvin Yalom, brings rich insights to this area, guiding individuals toward a deeper acceptance of mortality and its influence on life.
Cultural Celebrations of Death and the Afterlife
Rituals like Halloween, Toussaint, and Día de los Muertos have ancient roots that embody our shared wish to confront, honour, and make sense of death. Halloween, originally rooted in the Celtic festival of Samhain, marks the thinning of the veil between worlds, inviting both fear and festivity. Toussaint, celebrated on 1 November, is a Christian day to honour saints and deceased loved ones. In French culture, it often includes visits to cemeteries and the placing of chrysanthemums on graves, signifying a solemn respect for the deceased.
Día de los Muertos, a vibrant Mexican celebration held from 1 to 2 November, blends Aztec traditions with Catholic beliefs, embracing death as a natural part of life’s cycle. It is a joyous occasion where families create altars decorated with marigolds, photos, and sugar skulls, celebrating the lives of loved ones who have passed on. These observances each reflect diverse ways of facing mortality, celebrating the dead, and comforting the living—a reminder that although death is universal, how we approach it is deeply cultural and individual.
The Psychoanalytic Lens on Death and Loss
In psychoanalytic theory, death and loss are seen as central forces shaping human experience and the unconscious mind. Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, spoke of the “death drive” (Thanatos) as a counterbalance to the life force, or Eros, suggesting that human beings harbour an innate drive toward death and self-destruction. While Freud’s ideas were revolutionary, they remain challenging to fully grasp and have led subsequent analysts to explore more nuanced interpretations of death’s psychological impact.
From a psychodynamic perspective, mortality is not merely a final event but an undercurrent influencing many aspects of life. Fear of death, existential anxiety, and the awareness of life’s transience can shape our choices, relationships, and emotional defences. This approach recognises that while death is final, the concept of endings—whether a relationship, a phase in life, or a personal loss—echoes the ultimate end and can evoke similarly complex responses. The British psychoanalytic approach places particular emphasis on how individuals internalise these losses, often tracing existential and emotional struggles back to formative experiences of separation, attachment, and grief.
The Therapeutic Process: Addressing Mortality, Loss, and Terminal Illness
In therapy, addressing death can be complex and multifaceted, shaped by individual belief systems, cultural background, and previous experiences of loss. The psychodynamic framework is especially suited to helping clients explore these feelings in depth, as it emphasises understanding and bringing to light the unconscious conflicts and defences surrounding death.
Loss is often considered an awakening experience, provoking a re-evaluation of life, values, and purpose. Therapists trained in the psychodynamic approach encourage clients to process this in a setting that allows grief, fear, and reflection. Terminal illness, whether faced by the client or a loved one, can introduce layers of anticipatory grief, guilt, and anger. By exploring these reactions, clients are invited to confront the notion of finality in a way that acknowledges both vulnerability and resilience, making space for acceptance and understanding.
Irvin Yalom, an existential psychotherapist whose work has greatly influenced modern psychodynamic therapy, contributed significantly to this field. Yalom’s approach to therapy with the terminally ill challenges both client and therapist to confront their own mortality, often addressing what he calls “existential givens”—death, isolation, freedom, and meaninglessness. His work highlights the paradoxes of existence, urging clients to find meaning in mortality by emphasising life’s temporary and precious nature.
Irvin Yalom on Death and the Dying Process
Yalom’s writings, particularly his seminal work Staring at the Sun, offer a compassionate yet unflinching view of how death shapes our experience of life. He posits that the fear of death—although often repressed or ignored—is a fundamental aspect of human existence. For Yalom, this anxiety is not pathological but a natural response to the “givens” of life. By facing the reality of mortality, individuals can experience what Yalom terms an “awakening experience”—a shift that brings clarity, gratitude, and a renewed sense of purpose.
In therapy, Yalom encourages clients to confront death openly, viewing this acceptance as a pathway to greater freedom. He believes that denying mortality leads to feelings of isolation and anxiety. Instead, acknowledging death as a companion in life can help individuals forge more meaningful connections and authentic choices. Psychodynamic therapy, therefore, not only focuses on processing specific losses but also on integrating an awareness of mortality into one’s life story, helping clients live with an openness to the inevitability of loss.
Yalom’s work is especially insightful for those who face terminal illness, where his approach stresses the importance of living fully even as death approaches. Rather than viewing the end of life solely as a time of loss, Yalom’s philosophy embraces it as an opportunity for introspection, connection, and resolution.
Psychodynamic Therapy: The Client’s Journey through Mortality and Loss
When clients come to therapy grappling with death—whether through personal diagnosis, the loss of a loved one, or an existential crisis—the psychodynamic therapist approaches these issues by exploring the emotional meanings behind the fear. Sessions may address grief not just as an emotional response to loss but as a complex process of internal adjustment, where the lost person or experience is mourned and then internalised in a way that allows life to continue meaningfully.
This therapeutic journey often reveals that grief is intertwined with unresolved conflicts and past losses. Freud himself saw grief as a process of “decathexis”—the gradual detachment of emotional investment from the deceased. But grief, as understood in psychodynamic therapy, is also a process of growth. It allows the client to understand the ways they relate to others and the world and to see how loss has shaped these relationships. Through this understanding, clients can reframe their experiences of loss and find new ways to relate to themselves and others.
Psychodynamic therapy also examines how clients may use defences like denial or repression to manage their anxieties about death. By gradually confronting these defences, therapy supports clients in building a more resilient relationship with mortality. They learn to see endings not solely as losses but as openings for new experiences and shifts in perspective.
Embracing Mortality in Life
In embracing the reality of mortality, psychodynamic therapy offers a pathway toward a more honest, engaged life. While Yalom’s contributions underline the importance of acceptance, the therapeutic process provides a safe environment to work through what death means personally. This can be profoundly liberating, allowing clients to find a greater sense of peace, even joy, in the knowledge that life is finite.
As clients work through their fears, anxieties, and grief, they often come to see death as an integral part of the human experience. Therapy helps clients to navigate these “endings” not as moments of despair but as powerful reminders of life’s fragility and worth. By facing mortality, they gain a renewed appreciation for life, relationships, and their own values.
For individuals who seek a deeper understanding of death and loss, psychodynamic therapy offers a compassionate and reflective approach. It doesn’t shy away from the discomfort of these issues but encourages clients to engage with them, finding meaning and perhaps even hope. In the words of Yalom, “Though the physicality of death destroys us, the idea of death saves us”—a reminder that mortality, when faced with honesty, can inspire us to live more fully, authentically, and compassionately.
This view on death is not just for those facing the end of life; it’s a perspective that all of us, in our own ways, can integrate into the tapestry of our lives, carrying with us a deeper respect for our own journey and for the journeys of those we hold dear.
By Ari Sotiriou M.A. psychodynamic psychotherapist asotiriou@online-therapy-clinic.com