The Weight of Unspoken Grief: A Psychoanalytic Perspective on Obesity and Eating Disorders

The human body is far more than a biological entity; it is a deeply embodied experience shaped by the psyche, carrying the weight of our emotional histories. From a psychoanalytic perspective, particularly within the British school tradition, the body is seen as an extension of the self—a canvas upon which unconscious conflicts, unprocessed grief, and unmet needs are expressed. Nowhere is this more evident than in the complex relationship between the body and disordered eating.

The British school of psychoanalysis, with its roots in object relations theory and the work of figures such as Melanie Klein, Donald Winnicott, and John Bowlby, provides valuable insights into the link between early attachment experiences and the development of eating disorders and obesity. Central to this approach is the idea that the body becomes a site for the externalisation of psychic pain and unresolved trauma, often stemming from early childhood experiences. In this context, obesity is not merely a physical state but a symbolic enactment of emotional suffering—a defence mechanism against feelings too overwhelming to face consciously.

The Body as a Medium for Psychic Expression

In psychoanalytic theory, the mind and body are not separate entities but are intricately linked. The body functions as a symbolic medium, particularly when emotional pain cannot be processed or articulated through language. For individuals who develop eating disorders such as bulimia, the act of bingeing and purging can be seen as a manifestation of internal conflict—a desperate attempt to regulate emotions that feel unmanageable. In this sense, the eating disorder becomes both a coping mechanism and a form of communication, expressing distress that cannot be verbalised.

In the case of obesity, particularly when it follows a significant loss or trauma, the body may unconsciously serve as a protective layer—a physical barrier that symbolises both the weight of unspoken grief and a shield against a world perceived as unsafe. This dynamic can often be observed in clients who experience a sudden change in body size following a traumatic event, such as the unexpected death of a parent or a dramatic shift in family stability.

Attachment, Loss, and the Development of Eating Disorders

The British psychoanalytic tradition places significant emphasis on early attachment experiences and their impact on emotional development. John Bowlby’s work on attachment theory suggests that inconsistent or emotionally distant caregiving can lead to insecure attachment patterns, resulting in difficulties with self-soothing and emotional regulation later in life. For some individuals, food becomes a substitute for the nurturing they lacked—a source of comfort that fills the emotional void left by an unavailable or neglectful caregiver.

In cases of bulimia, the cycle of bingeing and purging can be understood through the lens of early object relations. Klein’s concepts of the “good” and “bad” breast offer a metaphor for the internal split between nurturing and destructive forces. The act of binge eating may represent a frantic search for the “good object”—a source of comfort and fulfilment—while purging symbolises an attempt to expel the “bad object,” the guilt, shame, and self-loathing that often accompany the binge. This cycle reflects a deeper conflict within the psyche, rooted in unmet needs and unresolved emotional pain.

The Loss of Health in Young Adulthood: A Psychoanalytic Lens

The onset of severe health issues in young adulthood, particularly those related to obesity, often signals an underlying, unspoken narrative. From a psychoanalytic perspective, the body becomes a symbol of unresolved loss, unprocessed grief, or traumatic experiences that have not been given a voice. Obesity, in this light, can be seen as a form of acting out—a non-verbal expression of psychic pain that has not been integrated into conscious awareness.

The relationship with food in such cases becomes a way of managing overwhelming emotions. The cycle of disordered eating—whether through compulsive eating, bingeing, or purging—serves both as a defence against the unbearable pain of loss and as a cry for help. It is a form of communication that something profound remains unresolved, a message inscribed onto the body when words fail.

Clinical Case

George (a pseudonym) provides a compelling example of these psychoanalytic dynamics. As a child, George was fit, active, and regularly attended karate classes run by his father. His father was a strict, disciplined figure who instilled a strong sense of structure and achievement in George’s early life. His mother, while caring, was emotionally distant, leaving George to seek emotional connection through shared physical activities with his father.

A turning point in George’s life came during his adolescence, when his father died suddenly due to a medical emergency. This traumatic loss shattered the stability of his family life. George stopped attending karate classes, his once-active lifestyle ceased, and he was left to navigate his grief in isolation. His mother, overwhelmed by her own sorrow, struggled to provide the emotional support he desperately needed.

In the aftermath of his father’s death, George turned to food for comfort. What started as occasional indulgence soon escalated into a pattern of compulsive eating. By the age of 18, George was significantly overweight and exhibited bulimic behaviours—eating to the point of physical discomfort, purging, and then eating more. This cycle mirrored his internal struggle: a desperate attempt to fill an emotional void, followed by purging the guilt and shame, only to repeat the process when the pain resurfaced.

Today, George works as a successful professional chef. In many ways, his career is an extension of his complex relationship with food. On one hand, food provides him with a creative outlet and a source of professional success; on the other hand, it remains a destructive coping mechanism. The very thing that sustains his livelihood is also what is slowly killing him—a poignant illustration of the dual role food plays in his life.

In our therapeutic work, we have begun to explore the deeper emotional roots of George’s disordered eating and his ongoing struggle with obesity. Together, we are unpacking the layers of grief, guilt, and unresolved trauma that he has carried since his father’s sudden death. The weight he carries is not just physical; it is the embodiment of years of unprocessed pain and an unconscious attempt to protect himself from further emotional loss.

Towards Healing and Integration

Through the lens of British school psychoanalysis, we see that obesity and eating disorders like bulimia are not simply issues of diet or willpower; they are profound expressions of the psyche’s attempts to cope with unmanageable pain. In George’s case, his body became a vessel for unspoken grief, a means of communicating what words could not capture. Our task as therapists is to help clients like George unpack these layers of meaning, offering a space where they can begin to heal the emotional wounds that have been inscribed onto their bodies.

Only by addressing the underlying emotional narratives can true healing begin, allowing the client to move towards a healthier relationship with their body and, ultimately, with themselves.


By Ari Sotiriou M.A. Psychodynamic Psychotherapist asotiriou@online-therapy-clinic.com