When Lily and Marcus co-founded their tech startup, they felt like they were on top of the world. Both in their late twenties, they were bright, ambitious, and deeply committed to the idea they had built together—an app that promised to change the way people managed their personal finances. Their friendship, founded on years of working together during college and in previous internships, gave them a sense of confidence that they could take on anything the business world threw at them.
In the beginning, everything felt aligned. They shared the same vision, the same work ethic, and the same passion for their product. But, as with many startups, the excitement soon gave way to the harsh realities of running a business. Competition intensified, customer acquisition proved more challenging than expected, and funding became harder to secure. What had once been a collaborative, fluid partnership began to strain under the pressure.
The first signs of trouble were subtle. Marcus, always the more extroverted of the two, began to take on more responsibility, handling meetings with investors and potential clients. He assumed the lead in almost every major decision, telling Lily it was easier this way and that she could focus on the app’s technical development. Lily, who had always been more introverted, tried to focus on what she did best—coding, product design, and ensuring the app functioned perfectly. But inside, something was beginning to shift. She started to feel overlooked, as if her contributions were undervalued.
Meanwhile, Marcus, though he appeared outwardly confident, was also struggling with his own pressures. Despite his external assertiveness, he harbored a deep fear of failure. Every time a pitch didn’t go as planned or a feature rollout hit a snag, he felt a sense of shame creeping in. This fear, however, he never shared with Lily. Instead, he pushed harder, took more control, and became more impatient when things didn’t go as smoothly as he wanted. He didn’t realize that his increased control was causing a growing rift in their partnership. Lily began to feel more isolated, frustrated, and, worst of all, like a cog in a machine rather than an equal partner.
It wasn’t long before their once-strong communication started to break down. Meetings became tense. Their conversations, once full of shared excitement and ideas, now felt like business transactions. When disagreements arose, they were no longer resolved with the same collaborative spirit that had defined their early days. Instead, each small conflict festered, building up walls between them. Neither of them knew it at the time, but the issues in their professional relationship were beginning to seep into the very fabric of their startup.
One late evening, after a particularly difficult investor meeting, things came to a head. Marcus stormed out of their shared office space, frustrated with the lack of progress. Lily, feeling cornered and unappreciated, finally snapped.
“Why do you always take over everything? I’m just as important to this business as you are! Do you think I’m just here to code and keep quiet?” she demanded, her voice shaky but filled with emotion.
Marcus froze, taken aback by the outburst. He hadn’t realized how much he had been dominating their conversations and decisions. But what hit him harder was the truth in her words. Lily wasn’t just frustrated with the business—it was their partnership, too. In his relentless pursuit of success, Marcus had unknowingly alienated the person who had been his equal partner from the very beginning.
That night, neither of them slept well. They both knew things needed to change, but neither knew how to fix what had been broken. It wasn’t just about business anymore; it was about their relationship.
The following morning, they decided to take a break from their regular work routine. It was Lily who suggested they see a counselor—not a business coach, but a relationship therapist. At first, Marcus was hesitant. They weren’t in a romantic relationship, after all. But Lily made a compelling case: they had become a team just as intertwined emotionally as any couple, and their success as co-founders depended on their ability to communicate openly and honestly.
They found a therapist, Andrea, who specialized in both couples and professional relationships. Andrea’s approach was rooted in psychoanalytic thinking, focusing on unconscious dynamics and emotional undercurrents that shape interactions. At first, the sessions felt odd to both Lily and Marcus. They weren’t used to speaking about their feelings and vulnerabilities in such an open way, especially in a professional context. But soon, they realized that Andrea’s approach was exactly what they needed.
In their sessions, they began to explore the unconscious forces at play in their partnership. Lily shared how she had always been more reserved, and how growing up, she had learned to hold back her voice in order to avoid conflict. She realized that her fear of being “too much” or “difficult” had made her retreat into her work, believing that if she did her job well enough, the partnership would remain intact. Meanwhile, Marcus admitted that his drive to take control of every situation was tied to a deep-seated fear of failure and rejection—a fear that had been with him since childhood. He hadn’t realized how much he was relying on external validation to feel secure, and how this had translated into a need to dominate the decision-making process.
As they unpacked these emotional patterns, they both began to understand each other’s behaviors better. Marcus understood that when he took over, he wasn’t just trying to solve problems—he was reacting to his own insecurities. Lily, in turn, recognized that her silence wasn’t helping anyone. By withdrawing, she wasn’t protecting herself; she was distancing herself from her partner and the business.
The breakthrough came when Andrea helped them realize that their individual emotional wounds didn’t have to define their partnership. By acknowledging the emotional undercurrents that influenced their decisions, they could consciously choose to communicate differently. They began to practice “active listening,” truly hearing each other’s concerns without jumping to solutions or defensiveness. They made a pact to check in with each other regularly, both professionally and personally, to ensure they were both aligned and feeling heard.
In the weeks that followed, their business began to transform—not because they had solved all their problems overnight, but because their relationship was now built on a foundation of trust and understanding. They learned to communicate openly about their fears, frustrations, and successes, without letting their emotions cloud their judgment. The improvements in their partnership reverberated throughout their business. Their decision-making became more collaborative, and they found themselves tackling challenges with renewed energy and optimism.
It wasn’t easy. There were moments when old patterns resurfaced, but by leaning into the emotional work they had done together, they were able to navigate these moments with greater awareness. As their business continued to grow, they both saw the incredible value of investing in their professional relationship—not just for the sake of the business, but for each other as co-founders and friends.
Lily and Marcus’ experience serves as a powerful illustration of how emotional awareness and healthy communication are key to maintaining a strong professional partnership. Through their struggle and eventual decision to seek counseling, they were able to identify the unconscious dynamics that were affecting their collaboration and learn how to communicate more effectively, ultimately saving both their relationship and their startup. This story emphasizes the core message of the blog post: that the emotional dynamics within a business partnership are as important as the business itself. By investing in the emotional well-being of your professional relationship, you can strengthen not only your partnership but also the foundation of your business.
Building a Strong Professional Partnership: How Couples Therapy Skills Can Support Co-Founders in Startups
Starting and growing a business is a challenging yet rewarding journey. But for co-founders, the road to success isn’t just about developing the right product, acquiring customers, or securing funding. It’s also about cultivating a healthy, resilient professional partnership. Much like in a romantic relationship, business partners share a dynamic where trust, communication, and emotional intelligence are key to navigating the challenges and celebrating the successes.
As a therapist with years of experience in couples therapy, I’ve come to understand the deep connection between personal relationships and professional dynamics. The same psychological tools that help partners in romantic relationships understand each other, communicate effectively, and resolve conflicts can be applied to business partnerships. In fact, understanding the emotional undercurrents of professional relationships can not only protect the business but enhance its growth and longevity.
Why Professional Relationships Matter in Business
Co-founders are often bound by more than just their vision for the company. They share dreams, risks, and responsibilities. Their professional relationship is critical to the business’s success. When tensions arise, or when one partner feels misunderstood, it can affect their ability to make sound decisions, communicate effectively, and collaborate productively. Over time, these emotional or unconscious conflicts can create rifts that undermine the business itself.
Psychoanalytic thinking offers a unique perspective on this. According to psychoanalyst Melanie Klein, our unconscious minds are constantly at play, even in seemingly rational decisions. We make choices not only based on logic but also driven by deep-seated emotions, past experiences, and relational patterns. Business partners who aren’t aware of these forces may unknowingly sabotage each other’s intentions or avoid conflict until it becomes a crisis. Thus, a proactive approach to strengthening the professional relationship can be just as crucial as focusing on external factors like market trends or product development.
Unpacking Unconscious Dynamics in Professional Partnerships
In couples therapy, we often focus on the way unconscious dynamics shape behavior within a relationship. Similarly, co-founders bring their personal histories and emotional baggage to the business table. Early childhood experiences, past professional conflicts, and unresolved emotional issues can all influence the way they perceive each other and react in high-pressure situations.
For example, one partner may unconsciously fear being abandoned or ignored, prompting them to overcompensate by taking on too much work or dominating decision-making. Another partner, conversely, might withdraw during times of stress, assuming that their voice won’t be heard or valued. These patterns often mirror the dynamics we see in romantic relationships where partners unintentionally recreate relational wounds from their past.
By bringing an awareness of these unconscious forces into the business context, co-founders can begin to understand why they might react defensively or impulsively in certain situations. This awareness allows for healthier, more deliberate decision-making, and the development of a partnership built on mutual respect and trust.
Communication: The Bridge Between Conflict and Resolution
Effective communication is the foundation of any successful relationship, whether personal or professional. But when emotions run high, communication can quickly break down. This is where skills from couples therapy can be particularly valuable. Therapists often encourage partners to listen to each other’s emotions and needs, rather than just focusing on the surface-level content of what is being said. By acknowledging underlying emotions, we can prevent misunderstandings and create a space for empathy.
In a business setting, co-founders can benefit from taking the time to truly listen to one another, not just when things are going smoothly but especially during times of stress or conflict. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings, even if they seem irrational or disproportionate to the situation. As in couples therapy, learning to say “I hear you” and “I understand where you’re coming from” goes a long way in diffusing tensions and promoting a sense of safety and collaboration.
Emotional Intelligence: Navigating the Highs and Lows of Startup Life
Startups are emotional rollercoasters. There are days of excitement and triumph, but there are also moments of doubt, failure, and fear. Being emotionally attuned to each other as co-founders is crucial for surviving this journey. As a therapist, I encourage partners to cultivate emotional intelligence, which involves being aware of and managing one’s emotions, as well as empathizing with the emotions of others.
When co-founders develop emotional intelligence, they are better equipped to navigate the turbulent emotional landscape of a startup. They can identify when one partner is feeling overwhelmed or burnt out, and instead of dismissing these emotions, they can support each other through challenging moments. Emotional intelligence also helps partners recognize when their own emotions are clouding their judgment, allowing them to step back and approach problems with clarity and objectivity.
The Investment in Your Professional Relationship
Investing in the health of a business partnership isn’t just about creating a great product or finding the right customers—it’s also about nurturing the emotional connection between co-founders. Just as couples therapy helps partners learn how to cope with external pressures and internal tensions, professional relationship counseling for co-founders allows them to build a solid emotional foundation that can withstand the challenges of entrepreneurship.
In this light, co-founders should consider professional relationship counseling as an investment in their business’s longevity. By proactively addressing emotional conflicts, enhancing communication skills, and fostering empathy, co-founders can protect their business from the destructive effects of unresolved interpersonal issues. And just as couples therapy can help romantic partners build a stronger bond, relationship counseling can strengthen the professional bond between co-founders, ensuring that both the people and the business thrive.
Conclusion: The Power of Awareness
The emotional and unconscious dynamics that shape relationships—whether in love or in business—are often subtle but powerful. By using the tools developed through years of couples therapy, co-founders can develop a deeper understanding of themselves and each other. This understanding can be the key to unlocking a productive, resilient, and harmonious partnership, which ultimately protects and propels the business forward.
So, if you’re a co-founder, take the time to invest in your professional relationship. It’s not just about building a business—it’s about building a partnership that will endure the highs and lows of entrepreneurship. Your future self, and your business, will thank you for it.
By Ari Sotiriou M.A. Psychotherapist Individual and Couples Therapist, Professional Relationships Counsellor