As a psychotherapist with years of experience, I often encounter clients who feel stuck in their emotional journeys. One common struggle is the desire to escape overwhelming feelings, such as anxiety, sadness, or frustration. These emotions can feel like waves crashing over us, making it tempting to seek refuge by shutting them down or pushing them away. However, true healing often requires a different approach: one that involves embracing and understanding our emotions rather than avoiding them.
The Challenge of Avoidance
Many individuals come to therapy hoping to learn how to “stop” feeling—an understandable desire, given how uncomfortable emotions can be. For instance, a client I’ve worked with for several years, whom I’ll refer to as M, exemplifies this struggle. M acknowledges that she feels overwhelmed when faced with challenges but often resorts to avoidance as her coping mechanism. She recognizes the need for change yet feels trapped in a cycle of pushing away her feelings.
A Hypothetical Session: Exploring the Emotional Landscape
During one of our sessions, I gently prompted M to delve deeper into her emotions. Here’s how that conversation might unfold:
Therapist: “Last week, you mentioned feeling overwhelmed when things don’t go as planned. Can we explore that? What comes up for you when those overwhelming emotions surface?”
Client: “I just feel like it’s too much. I try to push it away or distract myself.”
Therapist: “What do you think would happen if, instead of avoiding, you sat with these emotions?”
Client: “I don’t know how to do that. I’ve spent my whole life trying to avoid feeling this way.”
In this exchange, M openly shares her experience of wanting to escape discomfort. I then invite her to consider what would happen if she allowed those emotions to surface instead of pushing them away.
The Power of Emotional Awareness
As we continue our discussion, I encourage M to shift her focus from wanting to stop feelings to exploring them with curiosity. Emotions often carry important messages about our needs, desires, and experiences. By fostering an environment where clients can sit with their feelings—without judgment or urgency to change them—we create space for healing.
Therapist: “Emotions often contain valuable information about what we need. I wonder if we could begin to gently explore those feelings—what they are, where they come from—without trying to stop them. It might feel unfamiliar at first, but we can take it step by step.”
Client: “I guess I could try, but it still feels overwhelming.”
Therapist: “And that’s perfectly okay. The goal isn’t to change everything at once. Maybe we start by noticing one small emotion and exploring what it’s telling you. Would that feel manageable?”
Client: (Pauses) “Maybe. I just don’t know what to do with these feelings once they come up.”
Therapist: “We can take our time with that. Sometimes, it’s less about what we do with the feelings and more about allowing them to be, observing them without needing to react immediately. Over time, you might find that they become less overwhelming just by being acknowledged.”
A Second Verbatim: A Different Session
In a later session, we continue this work of exploring her emotions:
Therapist: “Last week, you mentioned feeling anxious in social settings, and you said it was easier to avoid them altogether. Can we revisit that?”
Client: “Yeah, when I’m around people, I start overthinking everything I say, and it makes me want to leave. It’s easier just not to go.”
Therapist: “What do you notice in those moments of overthinking? What’s the emotion underneath?”
Client: “It’s anxiety, I guess. I feel like I’ll say something wrong or people will think I’m weird.”
Therapist: “It sounds like there’s a fear of judgment. Do you notice any physical sensations when that anxiety rises?”
Client: “My chest tightens, and I feel like I can’t breathe.”
Therapist: “What do you think would happen if, instead of avoiding social situations, you allowed yourself to feel that anxiety for a moment and notice those physical sensations?”
Client: “I don’t know. I usually run from it. But maybe I could try next time.”
Therapist: “That sounds like a brave step. Remember, it’s not about forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations, but about allowing yourself to notice your feelings, both emotionally and physically, without the need to escape.”
Moving Forward
The journey through therapy is often nonlinear and filled with ups and downs. For clients who feel stuck, I encourage you to consider that healing doesn’t always mean eliminating emotions. Instead, it can involve learning to live alongside them, understanding their origins, and recognizing their value.
If you find yourself grappling with overwhelming feelings or feeling trapped in patterns of avoidance, know that you’re not alone. Together, we can explore your emotional landscape, helping you find a path toward understanding, acceptance, and ultimately, healing.
If you’re interested in beginning your therapeutic journey or would like to learn more about how I work, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
By Ari Sotiriou, asotiriou@online-therapy-clinic.com