You may have come across the “Tale of Two Wolves,” an old fable that highlights an internal struggle many of us can recognise. In the story, an elderly Cherokee elder tells his grandson about a battle raging inside him. “It is a fight between two wolves,” he says. “One wolf is evil, filled with anger, envy, sorrow, regret, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, and lies. The other wolf is good, full of joy, peace, love, hope, kindness, empathy, truth, and compassion.” The grandson asks, “Which wolf will win?” The elder replies, “The one you feed.”
This story is often used as a reminder to “feed” the positive aspects of ourselves and avoid nurturing the negative ones. But in reality, it’s not always so simple. We all hold both light and dark parts within us, and ignoring or pushing away the parts we don’t like can often make them stronger. Psychodynamic psychotherapy offers a way to engage with these “two wolves” in a different, deeper way by helping us understand and accept these parts of ourselves, rather than choosing one and denying the other.
Splitting and Projection: Psychoanalytic Perspectives
In psychoanalysis, there’s a concept called “splitting,” which helps explain why we often feel like we have two opposing sides within us. Splitting is a defence mechanism where our mind divides experiences, emotions, or parts of ourselves into “good” and “bad” categories. It’s a way of coping with complex, often conflicting feelings.
Imagine, for example, someone who struggles with feelings of anger and envy alongside a deep desire to be kind and compassionate. Instead of feeling these emotions as part of one whole self, the mind may split them, creating the sense of a “good self” (kind, loving, compassionate) and a “bad self” (angry, envious, resentful). This division might help in the short term, but it often leads to internal conflict and can make it harder to accept ourselves as whole, complex people.
In therapy, we also encounter another defence mechanism called “projection.” Projection happens when we take parts of ourselves that we find difficult to accept and unconsciously place them onto others. For example, we might accuse someone of being selfish when, deep down, we’re uncomfortable with our own selfish impulses. Projection keeps us from facing aspects of ourselves that feel painful or shameful, but it also keeps us disconnected from who we truly are.
The “two wolves” in the fable can be seen as symbolic of these split parts of ourselves. The “good wolf” represents the qualities we want to embrace, while the “bad wolf” holds the feelings we’d rather ignore or push away. Psychodynamic therapy doesn’t just encourage us to feed the good wolf and starve the bad one; instead, it helps us understand and integrate both parts, making peace with the wolves within.
A Case Study: “Emily”
Let’s look at an example of how this internal conflict might play out in therapy. Emily (not her real name) came to therapy because she was struggling with relationships and often felt intensely lonely. She was aware of two opposing sides within herself. One part of her wanted connection and intimacy; she longed for close friendships and a loving relationship. But another part, which she described as “cold” and “angry,” pushed people away and criticised them, even when they tried to care for her.
In our first sessions, Emily spoke a lot about her frustration with her friends and family. She would notice small things they did “wrong” and would feel flooded with irritation. She explained that, in her mind, her loved ones would quickly shift from being “wonderful” to “horrible.” This kind of all-or-nothing thinking is common with splitting, where people are seen as entirely good or entirely bad, depending on how they make us feel in the moment.
In one session, Emily shared a story about her closest friend, Anna, who had forgotten to respond to one of her messages. This triggered a strong reaction in Emily. “I felt like she didn’t care about me,” she said. “It’s like she’s this uncaring person who doesn’t value me at all.”
When I gently asked her if she had ever seen Anna as caring and supportive, Emily paused. “Yes,” she admitted, “she’s been there for me in the past. But when she does something like this, it’s like she becomes someone else in my mind.”
This split view of Anna mirrored Emily’s inner split. She saw her friend as either “good” or “bad” depending on her own feelings of worth and rejection. In reality, her friend was a mixture of qualities, but Emily’s splitting prevented her from holding onto this more balanced perspective.
Exploring Projection and Accepting the Wolves Within
Through our sessions, we also explored how Emily projected her own feelings onto others. She confessed that she often felt unworthy and feared that people wouldn’t care about her unless she “earned” their love. These feelings were painful for her, and rather than facing them directly, she would project them onto others, believing they were untrustworthy or uncaring. In a way, she was unconsciously feeding the “bad wolf”—her own insecurities and fears—by seeing them in others.
To help Emily understand and integrate these parts of herself, we began exploring the roots of her feelings. We traced her sense of unworthiness back to her early relationships with her parents, where love often felt conditional. She learned to “split” herself, striving to be the “good” daughter and suppressing her anger, sadness, and need for comfort. In adulthood, these suppressed feelings surfaced as the “bad wolf” she wanted to ignore.
Over time, Emily started to recognise that the angry, critical part of herself wasn’t actually “bad”; it was a part of her that felt hurt and unworthy. This shift in understanding allowed her to approach these feelings with compassion rather than judgment. She began to “feed” her inner wolves differently—not by giving power to one and denying the other, but by acknowledging both and finding balance.
Making Peace with Inner Conflict
The aim of psychodynamic therapy isn’t to rid ourselves of “bad” feelings or traits but to make peace with them, learning to live as whole people with a full range of emotions. The “two wolves” don’t need to be in constant battle. Instead, through therapy, we can learn to recognise our inner conflicts, see where they come from, and find healthier ways to handle them.
For Emily, this meant recognising that her anger and critical nature were ways of protecting herself from rejection. When she could see this, she no longer needed to push these parts away. She could look at her “bad wolf” with understanding, not shame, realising it had been there to guard her, even if imperfectly.
As she began to accept both parts of herself, her relationships also started to improve. She was less quick to judge others as entirely good or bad and more willing to forgive small slights. This didn’t happen overnight; it took months of work, but the shift was profound.
Why Psychodynamic Therapy?
If you find yourself resonating with the tale of the two wolves, you might also recognise the internal battle between different parts of yourself. You may feel torn between love and anger, generosity and envy, compassion and self-criticism. Psychodynamic therapy provides a space to explore these feelings deeply, without judgment. It encourages you to look beyond surface-level behaviours and see what lies beneath.
Unlike therapies that focus on “fixing” one aspect of the self, psychodynamic therapy invites you to bring both wolves into the room, to sit with them and understand why they’re there. By doing this, you can start to feel more whole, less fragmented. Rather than constantly trying to “feed” only the good parts of yourself, you can learn to live peacefully with all sides, accepting that both have value and a role in your life.
This journey isn’t always easy, but it can lead to a more compassionate, grounded way of being. By recognising and understanding our inner conflicts, we begin to break free from old patterns, make healthier choices, and cultivate more meaningful relationships. The wolves within us may always be there, but through therapy, we can learn to guide them and live in harmony with them, making peace with ourselves and others.
By Ari Sotiriou M.A.psychodynamic psychotherapist asotiriou@online-therapy-clinic.com