In the journey of psychodynamic psychotherapy, the ending is as important as the beginning. For many, the conclusion of therapy is a time of mixed emotions—relief, achievement, sadness, and even a sense of loss. It’s a significant part of the therapeutic process, and when handled properly, it helps to cement the progress made during the sessions. However, if the ending is rushed or abrupt, it can leave unresolved feelings and missed opportunities for closure, making it more difficult for you to carry the benefits of therapy into your everyday life.
The Importance of a Proper Ending
When therapy comes to a close, it’s essential to take the time to talk about it. A proper ending allows you to reflect on your journey, understand the progress you’ve made, and prepare to move forward without the regular support of your therapist. If the ending is sudden, you might miss out on the chance to fully process the experience, leaving you with unresolved feelings that could impact your growth.
In psychodynamic therapy, the relationship between you and your therapist is central to the healing process. This relationship is often influenced by deep unconscious processes that have roots in early childhood experiences, particularly those related to attachment and loss. These feelings can resurface as therapy ends, making it crucial to approach the conclusion with care and thoughtfulness.
Melanie Klein’s Theory of the Good Breast
Melanie Klein, a pioneering psychoanalyst, introduced the concept of the “good breast,” representing a nurturing and reliable source of comfort and support in early childhood. In therapy, the therapist can be seen as a symbolic “good breast,” providing the emotional nourishment you need to explore and understand your unconscious mind. The ending of therapy can evoke feelings similar to those experienced when a child faces the loss of this reliable source of comfort.
If the ending is sudden, it might feel as if the “good breast” is taken away abruptly, which can lead to feelings of abandonment, anger, or sadness. However, when the ending is well-planned and discussed, it provides an opportunity to process these feelings. It can help you internalize the support and strength you’ve gained during therapy, allowing you to carry it with you even after the sessions have ended.
Donald Winnicott’s Theory of the Good Enough Mother
Donald Winnicott, another influential psychoanalyst, developed the concept of the “good enough mother.” This idea suggests that a mother doesn’t need to be perfect, but she should be good enough to meet her child’s needs, allowing the child to develop a sense of independence and security. In the context of therapy, the therapist acts as a “good enough” figure who provides the support you need while encouraging you to develop your own inner resources.
As therapy ends, the “good enough” therapist will guide you through the transition, helping you to feel secure in your ability to cope without the regular support of therapy. If this process is rushed or avoided, it can leave you feeling unsupported and anxious about facing challenges on your own. However, when time is taken to discuss and process the ending, it reinforces the sense of security and independence that has been cultivated during therapy.
The Consequences of a Sudden Ending
Ending therapy suddenly, without the opportunity to properly process the experience, can place an unnecessary burden on you. The abrupt loss of the therapeutic relationship can feel overwhelming, especially if it brings up unresolved feelings of sadness or abandonment. It’s like losing the “good breast” or not having the “good enough mother” to help navigate the transition. This can leave you feeling unprepared to carry the responsibility of ending the therapy on your own, potentially hindering the progress you’ve made.
Taking the Time for a Good Ending
When I suggest taking the necessary time for a good ending, it’s because this phase is crucial for your overall therapeutic experience. We’ll have the chance to talk about the work we’ve done together, reflect on the growth you’ve achieved, and discuss any lingering feelings about the conclusion of therapy. This process helps to reinforce the internal resources you’ve developed and ensures that you leave therapy with a sense of completion and readiness to move forward.
In psychodynamic therapy, the ending isn’t just about stopping the sessions—it’s about integrating the work we’ve done into your life. By taking the time to process the ending together, we can ensure that you leave therapy feeling supported, understood, and prepared for the future.
A well-managed ending is a crucial part of the therapeutic process. It allows you to carry the benefits of therapy into your life, providing you with the tools and confidence you need to face challenges independently. So, let’s take the time to ensure that your ending is a good one—because the way we conclude therapy is just as important as the way we began.
By Ari Sotiriou M.A. psychodynamic psychotherapist co-founder Online Therapy Clinic