Embarking on couples therapy is a significant step for any relationship, and doing so in an online setting introduces its own unique dynamics. Understanding what to expect from the process and how your online therapist will facilitate your sessions can help couples feel more prepared and comfortable as they begin this journey.
The Role of the Online Couples Therapist
In an online setting, the role of the couples therapist remains fundamentally the same as in traditional, in-person therapy, though the medium introduces certain nuances. Couples can expect their online therapist to:
1. Create a Safe Virtual Space: Even in a digital environment, the therapist’s role is to create a safe and secure space where both partners can express their thoughts and feelings without judgment. This involves ensuring that the virtual sessions are private, secure, and free from distractions, allowing both individuals to feel heard and respected.
2. Explore Relational Patterns: Just like in a physical office, the online therapist helps the couple identify and understand the patterns that define their relationship. They will work with both partners to explore how past experiences, unconscious processes, and deep-seated emotions influence their interactions, helping the couple recognise these patterns and how they contribute to their current challenges.
3. Facilitate Communication: Effective communication remains a central focus in online couples therapy. The therapist will guide the couple in developing better communication skills, ensuring that both partners can articulate their needs and listen to each other, even through the screen. The online format can sometimes enhance communication by giving couples the space to express themselves from the comfort of their own home.
4. Challenge and Support: The therapist provides both support and gentle challenges, encouraging the couple to confront difficult issues and make necessary changes. Whether it’s through video sessions or written exercises, the online therapist helps the couple take risks and explore new ways of relating to each other.
5. Remain Focused on the Relationship: The therapist’s primary commitment remains to the relationship itself. In online therapy, just as in face-to-face sessions, the focus is on the couple as a unit. The therapist avoids individual sessions, ensuring that all work is done together to maintain the focus on the relationship dynamics.
The Initial Experience in Online Couples Therapy
The first few sessions of online couples therapy are crucial in establishing a foundation for the work ahead. During these initial sessions, couples can expect to engage in several key activities:
1. Establishing Goals: Early in the process, the couple and therapist will collaboratively establish clear goals for the therapy. These goals might include improving communication, rebuilding trust, addressing specific conflicts, or deepening emotional intimacy. Setting these goals provides a roadmap for the therapy and ensures that everyone is aligned in their expectations.
2. Sharing the Relationship History: The therapist will encourage the couple to share the history of their relationship, including how they met, significant milestones, and challenges they have faced. This helps the therapist gain a deeper understanding of the couple’s unique dynamic and the context of their current issues. In an online setting, this can be facilitated through video calls, shared documents, or even collaborative online tools.
3. Identifying Core Issues: The initial sessions are a time for the therapist to help the couple identify the core issues that have brought them to therapy. Whether these are longstanding problems or recent conflicts, the therapist tailors the online therapy to address the couple’s specific needs.
4. Building Trust: Trust is a critical component of successful therapy, and building this trust is equally important in an online setting. The early sessions provide an opportunity for the couple to establish trust with the therapist, as well as with each other. The therapist will work to create an atmosphere of openness and honesty, encouraging both partners to be authentic in their participation, even from a distance.
5. Understanding the Online Therapy Structure: The couple will also learn about the structure and process of online therapy. This includes understanding how sessions will be conducted, what is expected of them between sessions, and how progress will be measured. Clarity in the online format is especially important, as it helps reduce any anxiety related to the digital nature of the therapy and sets clear expectations for the journey ahead.
Moving Forward Together in the Virtual Space
The initial experience in online couples therapy is a time of exploration, where the couple and therapist begin to unravel the complexities of the relationship in a virtual setting. It is a period of laying the groundwork for deeper work, with the therapist providing both support and guidance as the couple embarks on their journey of healing and growth. By knowing what to expect from their online therapist and the early stages of virtual therapy, couples can approach the process with greater confidence and a clearer sense of purpose, setting the stage for meaningful change in their relationship, regardless of the distance.
By Ari Sotiriou M.A. psychodynamic psychotherapist co-founder Online Therapy Clinic