Avoidance is one of the most common coping mechanisms people use to escape uncomfortable emotions, situations, or thoughts. It may provide short-term relief, but over time, avoidance tends to make things worse, leaving us stuck and feeling overwhelmed. At our Online Therapy Clinic, we understand that breaking the cycle of avoidance is key to improving mental health and wellbeing. That’s why we offer both Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and psychodynamic therapy, which together provide a comprehensive approach to addressing avoidance and the issues underlying it.
In this post, we’ll look at how these two forms of therapy work, using a case study (modified to protect the client’s privacy) to illustrate the benefits of each approach. We’ll show how working with both CBT and psychodynamic therapy can help clients confront their challenges and achieve lasting change.
What is Avoidance?
Avoidance is the act of steering clear of situations or experiences that cause discomfort, fear, or anxiety. This can range from avoiding social interactions to postponing important decisions or tasks, all in an effort to sidestep negative feelings like fear of failure, rejection, or confrontation.
While avoidance may seem like a protective strategy in the short term, it often worsens the underlying issue. When we avoid situations, we don’t give ourselves the chance to confront and overcome our fears, and as a result, those fears grow stronger. This avoidance can manifest in multiple areas of life, from relationships to career and self-esteem.
Case Study: J’s Struggle with Avoidance
Let’s take the example of J, a man in his 50s working in the technology sector. J had a traumatic experience at his previous job, which ended abruptly. In an effort to move on quickly, he took another role that he has since found unsatisfying. At the same time, his marriage has become distant—although still married to his long-time partner, they have lived in separate cities for several years. His romantic relationships have also been marked by difficulties, with his most recent relationship ending earlier this year.
Throughout our sessions, a recurring theme emerged: J tends to avoid confronting situations that he finds unpleasant or disappointing. Whether it’s his dissatisfaction at work, tension in his marriage, or relationship challenges, J’s default response is to withdraw. Unfortunately, this only makes the problems more difficult to address, leaving him trapped in a cycle of avoidance.
At the Online Therapy Clinic, we approached J’s case from two angles: CBT, delivered by my co-founder Dr. R. Ion, and psychodynamic therapy. This combination allows us to provide both practical tools for addressing avoidance and the deeper emotional work needed to understand its root causes.
The CBT Approach to Avoidance
CBT is an evidence-based approach that helps clients identify and challenge unhelpful thoughts and behaviours. When it comes to avoidance, CBT focuses on breaking the avoidance cycle by gradually exposing clients to the situations they fear and helping them develop new ways of thinking.
In a CBT session with J, we began by exploring the specific situations he was avoiding and the thoughts that went along with them.
Hypothetical Example of a CBT Session:
R. Ion: “J, when you think about the team meetings at work, what’s the first thought that comes to mind?”
J: “I’ll make a mistake, or they’ll think I don’t know what I’m doing.”
R. Ion: “It sounds like you’re expecting a negative outcome. Let’s challenge that. What evidence do you have that you’ll make a mistake or that others think poorly of you?”
J: “Well, I guess I’ve been fine in some meetings before. But I keep thinking about the one time I did mess up.”
R. Ion: “It seems like you’re focusing on that one experience and letting it overshadow everything else. What if we reframed that? What’s a more balanced thought you could have when approaching these meetings?”
J: “Maybe something like, ‘I’ve managed before, and even if I make a mistake, it doesn’t mean I’m incompetent.’”
In this session, J was encouraged to reframe his negative automatic thoughts and replace them with more balanced, realistic ones. Over time, we’d introduce graded exposure to help J face the situations he was avoiding, starting with small tasks (e.g., responding to emails) and gradually moving to more anxiety-provoking situations (e.g., attending team meetings).
CBT provided J with the tools to break down his avoidance into manageable steps and challenge the unhelpful thoughts that kept him stuck. However, to fully address the roots of his avoidance, we turned to psychodynamic therapy.
The Psychodynamic Approach: Digging Deeper into Avoidance
While CBT focuses on the present and works on changing thought patterns, psychodynamic therapy goes deeper. It explores how early experiences, unconscious processes, and unresolved emotional conflicts contribute to current behaviours like avoidance.
With J, it became clear that his avoidance wasn’t just a reaction to recent challenges but was tied to unresolved issues from his past.
Hypothetical Example of a Psychodynamic Session:
Ari Sotiriou: “J, last time, we talked about how you often withdraw when faced with conflict. Can you tell me more about what that feels like for you?”
J: “It feels like I can’t deal with it, like I’m paralysed. I just want to get away from the situation.”
Ari Sotiriou: “You’ve mentioned that your early life experiences were difficult, possibly traumatic. Do you think there’s a connection between how you handle conflict now and those earlier experiences?”
J: “Maybe. My father was very critical, and nothing I did was ever good enough. I think I learned to avoid confrontation because I didn’t want to hear more criticism.”
Ari Sotiriou: “So when you avoid conflict now, it might be a way of protecting yourself from feeling the same way you did back then—criticised, not good enough.”
In this session, J began to see the deeper emotional patterns driving his avoidance. By exploring the connection between his current behaviour and past experiences, we could start working through the unresolved feelings that kept him stuck in avoidance.
Psychodynamic therapy helped J make sense of the emotional layers beneath his avoidance, allowing him to confront the pain and fear that had been holding him back. As we continued, we integrated insights from both CBT and psychodynamic therapy, offering J a holistic approach to overcoming his challenges.
Why Combining CBT and Psychodynamic Therapy Works
At our Online Therapy Clinic, we believe in the power of combining different therapeutic approaches to provide a well-rounded treatment. By integrating CBT and psychodynamic therapy, we can address both the practical and emotional aspects of avoidance.
• CBT helps clients identify and change the unhelpful thoughts and behaviours that keep them stuck. It offers structured tools for confronting and managing avoidance in day-to-day life.
• Psychodynamic therapy goes deeper, helping clients understand the emotional and unconscious processes behind their behaviour. It allows them to make sense of how past experiences shape their current patterns, providing insight into the roots of their avoidance.
Together, these approaches offer a powerful way to break the cycle of avoidance and make lasting change.
Take the First Step Towards Change
If you’ve found yourself avoiding situations, whether at work, in relationships, or in other areas of your life, you don’t have to stay stuck. At the Online Therapy Clinic, we offer both CBT and psychodynamic therapy, tailored to your unique needs. Whether you’re looking for practical strategies or deeper emotional insight, we’re here to help.
We invite you to take the first step by booking a brief 15-minute consultation to discuss how we can support you. You can reach out by email or request a consultation directly at the link below.
Request a free consultation: https://appt.link/meet-with-ari-sotiriou-psychotherapist/initial-consultation-15-minutes
By Ari Sotiriou M.A. psychodynamic psychotherapist
contact: enquiries@online-therapy-clinic.com