In his epic work The Aeneid, the Roman poet Virgil wrote the famous line, “I fear the Greeks, even those bearing gifts,” as a cautionary tale about deception and trust. In many ways, this ancient sentiment mirrors the internal struggles clients face when they come to therapy: fear of the unknown, of vulnerability, and of trusting others.
The Trojan Horse of Personal Defense
Much like the Trojans who accepted the seemingly generous gift of the horse, many of us are wary of letting our guard down, fearing that what seems like help could bring us harm. For some, this manifests as a reluctance to share their innermost thoughts, feelings, or fears, even when in a safe therapeutic environment.
At the Online Therapy Clinic, we understand that trust takes time. In both CBT and psychodynamic psychotherapy, a key element of progress is the ability to lower our defenses, but this is never a straightforward process. Our clinicians work with individuals and couples to explore the origins of their mistrust, often rooted in past experiences, relationships, or unresolved traumas.
Hypothetical Clinical Example: Anna’s Struggle with Trust
Anna is a 35-year-old professional who came to therapy because of anxiety, particularly in her relationships. She feels she is always on edge, waiting for things to go wrong. Despite being in a committed relationship with a supportive partner, she constantly fears that her partner is going to leave her. Whenever things seem to be going well, she feels a creeping sense of doubt and unease, as though the “gift” of a happy relationship is too good to be true. This mistrust bleeds into her work life, where she often second-guesses herself and her colleagues.
CBT Approach: Breaking Down the Thought Patterns
In Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), the focus would be on helping Anna identify and challenge the automatic thoughts that drive her anxiety and mistrust. Here’s how part of a session might unfold:
Therapist: “You mentioned feeling anxious when your partner seems happy or content. What goes through your mind when you notice those feelings?”
Anna: “It’s almost like I can’t trust that things will stay good. I feel like if things are going well, something bad is bound to happen—like he’s going to find someone else or stop caring about me.”
Therapist: “So the thought is, ‘If things are good, they won’t last’—as if the happiness is just a setup for something bad?”
Anna: “Exactly. I can’t shake that feeling. I just know he’ll lose interest eventually.”
Therapist: “Let’s break that thought down. Is there any evidence that things going well right now means something bad will happen?”
Anna: “Well, no… but it’s happened before.”
Therapist: “What evidence is there from your current relationship? What has your partner shown you so far?”
Anna: “He’s been really supportive and consistent.”
Therapist: “So we have two pieces of evidence: your past experiences, where things didn’t work out, and your present, where your partner is supportive. What would happen if you focused on the present evidence instead of the past?”
This verbatim highlights how CBT would help Anna examine and challenge her automatic thoughts, guiding her to more realistic conclusions based on present experiences rather than fear from past hurts.
Psychodynamic Approach: Exploring the Deeper Roots
In psychodynamic psychotherapy, the therapist would focus on understanding the unconscious patterns driving Anna’s anxiety. The following is a possible excerpt from a session:
Therapist: “You’ve shared before that when you feel close to your partner, you begin to feel anxious, as though something bad is about to happen. Can you recall any early experiences where you felt a similar sense of uncertainty about trust?”
Anna: “I guess it reminds me of when I was younger… My parents were always busy, and I never knew if they would be around when I needed them. I would get my hopes up, and then they wouldn’t show up to things like school events.”
Therapist: “That sounds like a painful experience. Do you notice any similarities between those moments and what you’re experiencing with your partner now?”
Anna: “Yeah… It’s the same feeling of waiting for something to go wrong, like I can’t trust anyone to really stay. I hadn’t thought of it that way before.”
Therapist: “It seems like those early experiences with your parents left you feeling that closeness can be taken away at any moment, even when it feels good. It’s as though the uncertainty you felt then is still with you now.”
In psychodynamic therapy, the therapist would explore how early relational experiences are repeating themselves in Anna’s current life. By linking past and present, Anna can begin to understand the deeper roots of her trust issues and gradually work through them.
Finding Safety in Vulnerability
Therapy is, at its core, about feeling safe enough to be vulnerable. We understand that clients come with their own “gifts” – a combination of stories, defenses, and hopes. Our role is to help them see what’s inside, to accept and unpack it, no matter how daunting the process may feel.
Whether you’re seeking the structured, present-focused approach of CBT or the deep, exploratory work of psychodynamic therapy, the Online Therapy Clinic offers a range of services to meet your unique needs. If you’ve been feeling stuck, uncertain, or hesitant to trust – whether in yourself, your relationships, or your future – we’re here to support you.
Book your session today and start exploring what lies beneath your own Trojan Horse.
By Ari Sotiriou M.A. psychodynamic psychotherapist co-founder Online Therapy Clinic