Core beliefs shape our perception of ourselves and influence our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. One common core belief many individuals struggle with is the feeling of “never good enough.” This belief can lead to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and an insatiable need for external validation. In this blog post, we will explore how Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and psychodynamic approaches can effectively address this core belief.
Understanding the “Never Good Enough” Belief
The belief of “never good enough” often has roots in early life experiences, such as critical parenting, societal pressures, or negative peer interactions. For example, a child who is frequently compared to siblings or peers may internalise the notion that they must always outperform others to be valued. This belief can continue into adulthood, manifesting as perfectionism, fear of failure, and chronic dissatisfaction.
CBT Approach
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a structured, goal-oriented approach that focuses on identifying and challenging distorted thoughts. In the context of the “never good enough” belief, CBT aims to help individuals recognise negative thought patterns and replace them with more balanced perspectives.
Hypothetical Example:
During a CBT session, Sarah, a 30-year-old marketing executive, expresses feeling inadequate at work. She often believes her colleagues are more capable and fears being exposed as a fraud. The therapist guides Sarah through the following process:
1. Identifying Automatic Thoughts: The therapist asks Sarah to reflect on a recent project where she felt she did not perform well. Sarah recounts her thoughts: “I’m not as creative as my team. I’ll never get promoted.”
2. Challenging Distorted Thoughts: The therapist encourages Sarah to challenge these thoughts. They discuss evidence supporting her capabilities, such as successful projects she has led and positive feedback from her manager. They explore the cognitive distortions present in her thinking, such as “all-or-nothing” thinking and overgeneralisation.
3. Reframing Thoughts: Together, they develop a more balanced thought: “I have strengths in project management and creativity, and while I have room to grow, it doesn’t mean I am not good enough.” This new perspective helps Sarah feel more confident in her abilities.
4. Behavioural Experiments: The therapist suggests Sarah take on a new project that aligns with her strengths. This will help her test the belief that she is “never good enough” and gather evidence to the contrary.
Psychodynamic Approach
Psychodynamic therapy focuses on understanding the unconscious factors that influence our behaviour and beliefs. This approach delves into the origins of core beliefs, helping individuals uncover the underlying emotional conflicts that contribute to feelings of inadequacy.
Hypothetical Example:
In a psychodynamic session, Tom, a 35-year-old teacher, shares his feelings of inadequacy when interacting with colleagues. He describes a critical father who constantly emphasised excellence and success. The therapist explores these dynamics:
1. Exploring Childhood Experiences: The therapist encourages Tom to reflect on his childhood and the messages he received from his father. They discuss how his father’s high expectations made Tom feel that love and approval were contingent on success.
2. Uncovering Emotional Patterns: The therapist helps Tom recognise how these early experiences shape his current feelings of inadequacy and fear of failure. They explore the emotions connected to these memories, such as shame and anxiety.
3. Connecting Past to Present: As Tom gains insight into the origins of his core belief, he begins to understand how it impacts his relationships with colleagues. The therapist guides him in recognising that his worth is not tied to external validation.
4. Developing Self-Acceptance: The therapist encourages Tom to practise self-compassion and acceptance. They discuss the importance of acknowledging his efforts and achievements without harsh self-judgment.
Conclusion
Both CBT and psychodynamic approaches offer valuable tools for working with the core belief of “never good enough.” While CBT focuses on challenging distorted thoughts and fostering behavioural changes, psychodynamic therapy delves into the emotional roots of these beliefs, promoting deeper self-awareness and acceptance.
By combining these approaches, individuals can develop a more balanced view of themselves, recognising their inherent worth regardless of external achievements. Through therapy, they can learn to embrace their strengths and weaknesses, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and authentic life.
By Ari Sotiriou M.A. psychodynamic psychotherapist asotiriou@online-therapy-clinic.com